oops, i got obsessed again.

so i don't know if i'm the only one who does this...actually i know that i'm not the only one who does this.... by this meaning getting weirdly obsessed with something random.
not like SUPER random...but random.

for instance, in may of this year i was very obsessed with ayn rand and objectivism and being a super conservative and all that. and i am not saying i have since abandoned my political beliefs, i have just toned them down. they usually get people into arguments, and i am not very good at winning those...so i try to stay out of them. plus, they're not very fun. (this sort of makes me sound like i don't stand up for what i believe in...this is untrue. i just try not to force my opinions on others unless they ask)

this summer i was reaaaaaaally obsessed with clair de lune. clair de lune was the only song (piece?) i would listen to. i decided that there literally is no more beautiful sound than those keys resonating so peacefully...sad and hopeful.

oh! and there was that time junior year i only listened to girl singers. all of the sudden, i wanted all girl voices bouncing around the tiny cabin of antoine, my saturn. i liked a fine frenzy and regina spektor and ingrid michaelson and feist and fiona apple and imogen heap and schuyler fisk and NO boys.

but all of these things i have gotten over. except for perhaps clair de lune...it's my number one most played...with 396 plays since august when i had to restart my itunes.

anyway...i try not to get too focused on stuff because sometimes that's all that occupies my thoughts...and i was doing REALLY well until thursday of last week.

that's when i went to see "dear jack", a documentary about andrew mcmahon of jack's mannequin and something corporate, who happened to get leukemia at age 22...get very sick, and then beat it.

now i have always loved both soco and jack's man, but i was enthralled...captivated even, by andrew and his attitude about his sickness, and the story. it was both a story of cancer and a story of love. it was beautiful.

needless to say, since thursday i have secured myself a ticket to a jack's mannequin concert in february, listened to ONLY jack's man and soco, practiced (Very badly, very slowly, very painstakingly) playing a few jack's songs on the big, lovely piano in the den of our dorm, and thought nonstop about the documentary, the songs, and andrew.

why does this happen to me? i don't know. i think, as i said before, it happens to everyone. it's just so hard sometimes to say "ok...that's enough, leah. that's enough. sloooooow down, there."

because it's so fun. or all-consuming or something. stopping would be such a "buzz-kill" ( i think that's the correct use of that phrase...i haven't mastered it yet)

but, i guess that when talking about how i often get obsessed with things...i should remember what woody allen says,
"it's like anything else"

for the first time in a long time

Woah, I haven't updated this thing for ages! I think it goes back to the whole it's-homework-so-I-don't-want-to-do-it kind of thing.
But now that it's no longer homework, I might just have fun with it!

I don't even know what to write about! Hmmm....I guess I recently started my freshman year at college. That's kind of a milestone. Yes, I think I'll write about that.

College. This word has a lot of connotations, especially for high school seniors. All that I wanted by the end of my senior year was no more questions about college. This is no one's fault, it's just so overwhelming by the time you've gotten asked about college for the 20,349,820,394,820,394,802,348th time.

Seriously, the most common questions you'll get your senior year:
-What college are you going to go to?
-What will you major in?
-What type of job do you hope to get after college?

I think the thing that I hated the most about these questions was that after a while, all the questions seemed to really be asking was, "Plan your life right now--what will it be?".
I got so freaked out, just thinking that I had to be able to know exactly what I wanted to be when I "grew up" and how I wanted my life to go...it was getting so scary!

When I didn't get into my first choice college, I was crushed. Well, now I was REALLY not going to get my future to do what I wanted it to. And I was NOT happy about this. I was so sad and hurt and lost when I didn't get to go to the college I had been planning on for months and months.

And then, you know what happened? It's really quite a simple concept, I had just somehow overlooked it. It was kind of a dumb thing to overlook, but I did indeed overlook it.
It's called God's plan.

I know, I know, people always use God as a scapegoat for things not going their way or not getting into something or breaking up with someone. And I hate that. But that's not what I'm doing.

I am saying that I had been trying so hard, relying on myself and myself alone to figure out my future and plans. And why was I doing that? Because as a human being, I thought that I needed to. But I had sort of forgotten something important.

Jeremiah 29:11 says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

.....oh yeah, God.

Why is it that we can so easily overlook God and His plans for our lives? He is the only reason we are alive and the only reason we should live, and we get so busy planning our lives for ourselves, not looking back at Him once.

I think the answer is probably something along the lines of the fact that we are sinful humans, and we are prone to error, and we are selfish. We don't want to relinquish something as scary as our ENTIRE lives (past, present, and future) to God. We just want to give Him some stuff.

No no. That's not how it works.
I had been praying and praying and praying that I would get into my first choice. I had not been praying that God would show me what He wanted me to do; where He wanted me to go.

When I realized this one day in early May, after receiving the crushing blow of a rejection letter, I immediately felt God's "peace that passes all understanding". Duh. This isn't my plan. It's infinitely better. It's God's.

I know this isn't directly related to college life...but this is where I ended up. So that's that.

I encourage high school seniors to stop trying to figure out their lives and futures all on their own. Don't feel like you are. God has a perfect plan for your life, and as hard as it is to believe, it's a lot better than yours.

That's all I've got for now.

You Know I Don't Speak Italian.

Last week, in my Spanish class, we watched the wonderful movie, "Mer Adentro", which starred Javier Bardem. I loved it. But that's not what I'm going to talk about. (Though I probably will later....)

What I am going to talk about is mine and my sister's new affinity for a certain type of music I wasn't entirely...open to before seeing the movie. This type of music is opera.

I can't say that I was totally, hardcore anti-opera. My mom is a classical music fanatic, and I would have to be pretty pretentious to deny the merit of some of the stuff she's showed me over the years.

Opera just wasn't my music of choice. It's actually not my mom's either, but she recognizes and appreciates the beauty of some operas, which she passed on to my sisters and me. But let's just say that I certainly wasn't looking for a chance to delve deeper into the world of opera before last, well...Wednesday.

Last Wednesday, we started "Mer Adentro". It's a movie about a quadriplegic who wants to die, but can't kill himself. He wants to get the state to give him permission to have assisted suicide. So the movie is going on about his struggle, and at this one part, he says that sometimes, when he's alone, he flys to where he wants to be, and then he's content for a few minutes. They show this, and while he flys to the ocean and sees the woman he loves, I noticed a beautiful song playing.

When I got home, I looked it up. It was "Nessun Dorma" from the opera Turandot. I'd never heard of it, but I asked my mom. She said that it was beautiful, but we didn't own it in our vast collection of classical music. So I bought it. My mom also had me buy "Con Te Partiro" by Daniel Rodriguez. This is also beautiful.

A lot of people, upon hearing the word 'opera', wrinkle their noses. They pigeonhole opera to be this stuffy, boring, unpleasant experience. I wasn't totally in that category, but if I'd had to choose between listening to, say, Death Cab's new album or opera, I would've chosen the former....hands down.

However, for the past five days, all I have listened to is classical music and opera. Everything else now sounds sort of...trite. Especially this morning, when my sister happily played Chris Brown and Rhianna while we got ready. I was pained. I just wanted to turn on my opera.

I don't know what it is about those two pieces, along with the Bach Cello Suite No. 1, Debussy's Clair de Lune, Liszt's Liebestraume #3, and others, that captured me.

All I know is that they're beautiful. Listening to these songs with their amazing orchestration is fine with me, even though they're both in Italian, and the only Italian I recognize comes from a menu. My sister even said to me, whilst listening to "Nessun Dorma" (what, no Fergie?) something interesting. She said, "Ok, don't laugh at me, even though I would definitely laugh at you if you said this to me...but this song is so pretty. It's painfully pretty. Like, if I saw or thought about something sad right now, I'd probably cry."

And you know what? I probably would have laughed at her had she not hit the nail on the head. It is painfully beautiful. It's so pretty.

I can't say enough about it.

New music.

My friendy-friend lent me Death Cab for Cutie's new album, Narrow Stairs. I was really excited, because I love them.

The first time I popped it in, I loved it. But I was surprised. Though this is often the case, it catches me off guard when it happens. It didn't sound like their previous album, but like their early albums. It sounded a lot less studio-perfected and a lot more raw.

I'm not saying I don't like Plans. I do. I think it's one of my top ten favorite albums. I just find Narrow Stairs to be a lot more honest. It brings back memories of their older, more honest, less corporate stuff.

Woah woah woah. Did I just say less corporate? Let me clarify before you give me up as another ranting indie kid.

Before Death Cab signed with Atlantic Records, their stuff was a lot different. More sprawling, less perfected. It's just what normally happens when a band signs with a more mainstream label. They're cleaned up. Their music is honed down to make the best singles.

Once again, that's not necessarily a bad thing. Plans is perfected, and I find it nearly perfect, despite some people's dislike for its perfection. I love every song. I just also like it when an album sounds raw and honest. Gosh, I've used those two words like eight billion times.

Anyway, now that I'm done justifying and clarifying, let me move on with what I was saying. Death Cab's new album sounds more like their older ones than Plans. It sounds more pre-Atlantic. Ok? Ok.

One of the main reasons for this is the length of the songs. The second song "I Will Possess Your Heart", is around eight minutes long, and it's a single.

......what? But that's what amazing about this album. I found myself saying, "What? They're allowed to still do this kind of stuff?" But not in a despairing way. In a pleasantly surprised way.

Ok, I feel I'm beating a dead horse.

The other thing I really like about this album is the lyrics. They're open and honest and....raw? Haha, you bet.

I think I may be done with this, because it's crashing and burning extremely fast.

Lots of good feelings toward Narrow Stairs, ok?

Does Anyone Still Say Slovenly?

I am lazy by nature. I know that this is not a very appealing description for me to give, but it's the truth. I really am just a lazy person.


I don't have much incentive to do most of the things that I'd like to do, like work hard to get good grades, etc. I am a coaster. No, not the cork kind that protects wood tables from cup rings. The kind who coasts through school, sometimes barely scraping by with an acceptable grade.


When I say acceptable, don't be fooled. I'm not talking about acceptable to me. I don't even have that type of standard. I mean acceptable to my parents. The reason I want my grades to be acceptable to my parents? I may get grounded from doing something fun if I don't.


Here is another pathetic but true facet of my already sparkling personality: my standards fluctuate with my grades. If I get a C in Algebra 2, well, it's a hard class, and I tried my best. If I get a D in Physics, well, the teacher's an idiot and it's really hard. I don't know why I am admitting these things. But it's true.


I could have avoided so many grounded weekends, ridiculously late cram nights, and fights with my parents if I'd just put a little more effort into things. But, as Jimmy Eat World would say, "ain't that the way it always goes?" It's so easy to look back on your past mistakes and think, "Man, I could have done so much better," but it's so hard to make the effort when you actually have the chance.

At least, it's hard for me. Or as Billy Madison would say "Well, it was hard for me SO BACK OFF!"

I feel no incentive to type more about my laziness, shockingly enough.

Peace and love until I write again. Which will probably be in a few weeks when I realize I haven't been writing.

The Ice Bowl

Every year, my youth group has "The Ice Bowl" at the Cedar Rapids Ice Arena. We wear jeans and sweatshirts, (gloves for the less hardcore kids) and we have a battle royale on the ice. what happens is we get these huge helmets to wear, and these sticks with a little black thing on the end. I couldn't tell you what shape the black thing is...it looks like something fell off the end of the stick.

So after we've slapped our huge helmets on, we take our incomplete little sticks and go play. There's a red ball a little bit larger than a fist as our puck. We put the two nets not long ways on the ice, but short ways, because no one wants to skate so far for one goal. Then, the game begins. Usually only ten or twelve people show up, so it's five-on-five, hardcore broom ball. Sans brooms. That's the other thing I don't understand. We don't use brooms. But that's okay.

So once the game is on, I think we all feel our inner Wayne Gretzky take hold. Wearing not skates, but tennies, we slip and slide around after that little red ball.

I have to say, this may sound a tiny bit lame, but it's not. It's really fun. For one, it's fun to ice....skate. If that's what you call it when you're not wearing skates. That part is fun, as well as the whole scoring a goal part. I'm one of those players that stays mostly over by the net...so I can receive passes and score a goal. (I'm sure that I am completely slaughtering hockey terms, but ohhh well.) So after I received a pass, I'd shoot. And usually, I'd have shot it in a way to make it go not at the angle I was hoping, but straight in front of me, slipping right past the entrance to the goal, into the enemy's hands. Ooops. But I did score three or four goals (pure luck, I assure you) and it's very exciting. Plus, I'm not the sportiest person ever (understatement alert) and so it made me have that teeny taste of sportsdom....which is nice.

So after a good two hours, we trudge back off the ice, peel our helmets off our oh-so sweaty heads, giggle at everyone else's horrible helmet hair, and flop down, sweating and tired. Our faces are red and our knees our soaked (as well as other places, for those with unfortunate balance) but it was fun!

Every year, I go a little reluctantly, thinking that no one will go, I'll be cold, I could be doing homework (yeah right...), or something else, but I leave saying "Oh my gosh...that was so much fun. We should start a league!"

Yeah, a league. Who knows? We may just give the Rough Riders a run for their money.
Maybe. But first we'd have to use real skates, I think.

Summer Summer Summer Summer... Can't Get Enough Of It.

I love love love love LOVE summer. It is magical and amazing. It's full of late nights and good memories. It has so many fun things. Summer....when I hear this word, it only connotes good and wonderful things.

One of my favorite things to do near the end of the school year is get pumped for the summer by listening to some classic summer songs. These are classic songs for MY summers, not necessarily everyone's. But there are a few that are simply summery. First off, pretty much any of the songs by The Ataris have something to do with summer. But my very favorite summer song by them is "In This Diary". Here are the lyrics, and it'll be pretty obvious why it gets me READY for summer.

Here in this diary,
I write you visions of my summer.
It was the best I ever had.
There were choruses and sing-alongs,and that unspoken feeling of knowing that right now is all that matters.
All the nights we stayed up talking
listening to 80's songs;and quoting lines from all those movies that we love.
It still brings a smile to my face.I guess when it comes down to it...

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up:
These are the best days of our lives.
The only thing that matters is just following your heart
and eventually you'll finally get it right.

Breaking into hotel swimming pools,
and wreaking havoc on our world.
Hanging out at truck stops just to pass the time.
The black top's singing me to sleep.
Lighting fireworks in parking lots,
illuminate the blackest nights.
Cherry cokes under this moonlit summer sky.
2015 Riverside, it's time to say goodbye...
Get on the bus, it's time to go.

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up:
These are the best days of our lives.
The only thing that matters is just following your heart
and eventually you'll finally get it right.

This song just gets me pumped for summer...a few more summery songs are:

1. The Boys of Summer- The Ataris
2. Dani California- Red Hot Chili Peppers
3. Fun, Fun, Fun- The Beach Boys
4. First Day Of My Life- Bright Eyes
5. Melt The Sugar- The Summer Obsession

I also love that everything gets prettier. Green grass, leaves, flowers, warmer temperatures, and more! I love the feeling of grass between my toes, and I take any opportunity to kick of my shoes. I love the warm sun and a cool breeze, and that breathtaking, endless blue sky that makes you feel infinitely small and yet totally content at the same time. I love being able to wake up leisurely and saunter out into the warm air, unsure of where the day is going to take you.
Summer...summer. Oh, dear summer. I love it. I must write more on this later.